Today was an odd day! First it started with sleeping in, a trip to the nursing home, time spent with mother in law who just isn't happy right now as she wants me to change my answers to the answers she wants to hear, she even got pissy that Ken was buying berries at the farmers market we took her to, because she can't eat them, doesn't matter what we say or do if it's not exactly her way and then we re-live it all over again the next day as she doesn't remember or is she just hoping to get a different answer? After that we took her back to her place, then off to the Navy Exchange we went, getting evacuated due to a fire....never a dull moment. I did feel sorry for the lady who was in the middle of getting her hair colored and had to stand outside hoping her hair would be ok. Off to the commissary we went. Walking thru the isle Ken says "if you die I don't think I'll ever re marry"....I just look at him and said "you're crazy!"....You so know I didn't let that drop for long. As I was driving us back home I say "seriously you know I would be ok if you remarried with one stipulation.....she has to be funny". Which lead into a really deep conversation about fears, wishes, dreams, wants, tears & laughter. I learned my husband has carried the fear of the cancer resurfacing for 18 years but never shared it because of my "I got this kicked attitude"...he is living in his nightmare right now. Breaks my heart!! We talked about how this all is affecting our children. It's so hard to plan for the worst and hope for the best when talking about how to deal with a 12 year old boy. I will smoother him with lots of love and prayers. Later in the day I ran some errands with our daughter. What a great talk we had. I can't even begin to explain how much she has stepped up this last month. First if anyone knows Mary and her room you will be so proud to know why Ken & I were out she cleaned her room spotless, all on her own doing. She asked me today if I would write out all my recipes so she would always have them. She talked about how she will step up and help with her brother no matter what. She told me she is so thankful for how I raised her and I need to write out all of my parenting tricks because she said I did it all right. I told her she just needed to know "pick your battles, and don't be so over protective that your kids can't spread their wings and do bad things because they were told No too many times". Hearing her express her heart of gratitude for her childhood just was one heck of a special moment. She then asked where exactly I want my ashes spread because she wants to know my wishes. We concluded with wanting them spread at all our favorite places we've visited, even Disneyland (which made us laugh...can one even do that?). Then she googled jewelry made from ashes....there really are some beautiful pieces. I am so glad my family brought these things out today....as I don't want to bog them down with my crazy jungle head thoughts....but honestly it felt good to know where they're really at right now.
Feeling loved beyond measures tonight! ♥
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