It's been a while since I have blogged....mostly because I have been trying to figure out what to do and it's one jumbled mess. But the clock is ticking and a decision needs to be made. This Thursday Ken & I will be meeting with my Endocrinologist for 40 minutes to plan my life. I have no clear answer in my gut that I am leaning towards. The treatment the doc is leaning towards is haunting my head. Radioactive Iodine treatment as I research more and more and get insight from a thyroid support group I get more frustrated. But the deeper side is the two diseases of leukemia & lymphoma that it will put me at risk for has names & faces of patients that have touched my life as those diseases took them away. I am really struggling with this part. I don't want my children to have to watch those diseases if I can prevent it....not to mention it clearly hasn't worked the first or even second time....why would the third be any different? If I was forced to choose today my plan I honestly would say I choose to do nothing. But I will go in with an open mind and ask a lot of questions and finally get to learn about the 2 spots on my lungs as per his email is on our agenda.
I do have to say I am sorry for pulling away from everyone. I am in survival mode right now and trying to keep you all protected from this crazy madwoman head of mine. It's a good thing there's not a way for our thoughts to be seen. Just know I still love you all bunches.
Have faith that all will work out. I pray that you get better. It is not fun living day to day with an illness having your kids watch you suffer. I know this. If I make it past my 40's it will be a miracle. My children have watched me suffer for 20 years with a disease that nearly took me a couple times. The
ReplyDeletedocs are watching me closely because my family members have died in their early 40's from this. My worse part is not my kids watching me suffer and die but knowing they have Lupus and I could lose them to this horrible disease. Also i hate that I can't stop their physical pain. I pray for you and your family. I am sorry that you are going through this.