Putting my battle gear back on.

Wow in the last two weeks I first heard no surgery,  no cancer. Then yesterday, I hear "Oh no, let's talk about treatment.  Dawnelle, you know this is your new normal and we'll fight it for the rest of your life spot by spot." What the heck just happened???? Yesterday I went in to my endocrinologist and with me I took all my images, reports & labs. And I told my doctor I was confused and that it didn't all add up. He did another ultrasound then and there on the large mass that I had already been told was an infection or clogged saliva gland. He agreed, he went to put the wand away and I spoke up and said what about the smaller one on the other side that had the blood flow to it (those rainbows I saw last month that made me more nervous). (Side note: infections don't have blood flow like tumors do. Blood flow is what feeds the beast.) So he scanned the other side. He was training a student yesterday as well so he was talking thru the whole procedure as a teacher too. Next thing I hear as I could no longer see the screen from my position was, "oh no, let's go talk about treatment." He sat me down (yes, I was alone again.  Ken and I made that choice because we thought it was just a normal follow up. We had just been told I was clear 2 weeks prior.). He then talked about the fact I had already had 4 neck surgeries and we needed to try something less evasive. Dawnelle you know deep down this is how the rest of your life will be. We will fight it one spot at a time. First step is a biopsy to confirm his thoughts based on shape he believes the cancer beast is present. A neck biopsy to me is worse then surgery.  It hurts so bad. They put a needle into the mass and basically go up and down multiple times to get some out to test. Usually in 4 different spots of the mass. YUCK! My doctor will be performing this procedure on my son's birthday,  February 12th. It was his first opening and Danny will be in school anyways.  :) Ken will be going with me. Pending results & insurance approval he wants to do ablation therapy. Which is where they go in with imaging and place a needle directly into the mass, inject some kind of alcohol liquid that will burn it. Go back a few days/weeks later image again, inject again until it's gone. Side effect: if the liquid leaks out of the mass I will have a horrible burn on the inside of my body. Thankful how far studies have come and for options. Another option is a chemo pill, but because of side effects he doesn't want to go there yet. And we all know radiation is out of the question. How did I get 2 different answers?  Well a CT doesn't show the same as an ultrasound.  But I also never asked the surgeon about the other spot. Down side of multiple facilities doing testing.  We were focused on the big mass we could all see from the outside.  Hopefully this answers all the questions.  Now how is my head & heart? I am holding on tight to the doctors words of him saying it's not an aggressive cancer. I am lacing my boxing gloves up again and tattooing a smile back on my face. Yes it sucks but my attitude is the only thing in my control, clearly.  Thank you for loving me and riding this roller-coaster nuttiness with me. Good grief Charlie Brown!!!