Thursday was unreal. I was on the bus going South on the island to fetch the ferry for my cancer check up. I gave myself extra time to enjoy the day and have lunch before my appointment time. We came up on the point of the island where it truly is the only road. Right in front of us is a head on collision and the cars are bouncing back apart. A 20 year old female hits a 72 and 90 year old couple and their dog. The 20 year old didn't make it. It was horrible watching this play out. I end up asking a stranger for a ride back to my work where I had left my car, after knowing it was gonna be another 3 hours before the road opened. I get to my car and head north off the island to head south on I-5 to get to my appointment. My GPS says I will be there 15 min early. Then I-5 comes to a stand still. I look up and see 2 helicopters, then I look at the empty north bound lanes and a fire truck goes flying by going south on the north side. I wonder if we have another fire. Come up on another horrible accident. Counted 7 cars....turns out a 19 year got distracted by her dog in the car, was going south but crossed the medium into north bound traffic head on. She survived but killed a man.
I ended up arriving at my appointment with only 1 minute to spare, at this point I had only had a coffee and a pop tart to eat all day. But I survived the drive. My appointment turned out like I had already figured out from my lab work. My tumor markers are elevated....so once again I jump on the crazy ride....this is getting worse then my first ride on the colloses at magic mountain that I was dragged on to. But in this instance I have a choice of getting on the ride or just watching from the sidelines. After my adventure just to get to the appointment my view has changed. I am still breathing, and I choose to just keep living happy. I keep getting my pills and food stuck at the bottom of my throat. We know there's a new mass there....and we know I have a confirmed cancer mass on the right side of my neck, that failed treatment. So the next step is an ultrasound to check these two and see if there's any more. I am at the point where another surgery is so dangerous. Even though my surgeon has been called a cow boy. External beam radiation would make another surgery almost impossible if needed, and I-131 radiation would put me at serious risk for lymphoma and leukemia. So all these options are in my back pocket for emergency use only. So basically I am in a pickle. I am starting up on more meds to see if the blockage is from a silent acid reflux before having another tube shoved down my throat. And yet the doc is still concerned about the lung spots too. So this month once insurance approves I will have an ultrasound. In December in will have another CT of my lungs. But we can't do anything until the masses grow bigger then 10 mm. So basically at the end of the day I am choosing to just be living with cancer and ignore it to the best of my ability. Because clearly at this 2 year point since my last surgery I am still in the same place of the unknown. But isn't everyone's life unknown? Makes me really no different. I ended my day with a little retail therapy, time to myself and arrived home at 9 pm. Just really thankful and grateful for what life has brought me. Now to have another motorcycle adventure and some fun today.
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