It has been an insurance battle I have never seen....and I have fought with insurance for over 16 years now for work. Just got the call.....my sleep study is finally scheduled for September 20th. Could be earlier if someone cancels. But just the simple act of having it scheduled, makes a difference in my head. We're going down the list of trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Sleep Apnea would be a welcome blessing vs. anything else. But like everything in my crazy medical journey.....I can't seem to fit into the "normal box". I am getting so tired of this constant fight. There are no plans at this time for what we are going to do about the cancer mass in my neck. That really leaves so many questions that I have no answers for. This week while being off of work I am trying my best to reroute my thinking.....for some reason God has not given me the miracle of clean health. I know there's still so much more I need to learn. I have prayed my whole journey for His will, not mine. Not once have I actually asked Him to cure me. At times I don't feel like I deserve His touch. Why do I doubt His gift is for all of us? I am human, full of doubt of myself, like I have to earn His healing touch. How has society taught us we're never good enough? All those Bible stories growing up play in my head. God is Love. I have prayed for God to use my journey to help others. So does that mean that God has answered my prayers? Working on the depths of my soul and finding peace, joy & love along the way. ♡
